the predatory bird

Tag: Richard Heckler

  • Why So Sad? Summer ’22 | Post 2

    (This is the second in a series. You can find Essay 1 here)

    Heads up, this essay discusses the topics of depression and suicidal thoughts.

    Natas Kaupus Melonchollie Grabs over a California Schoolyard Hip in the late 80s or early 90s Photo By Grant Britain
    Natas Kaupus Melonchollie Grab by Grant Britain

    Why So Sad? What happened to me is not my fault

    We’ve talked about how we all have different experiences growing up while our brains are developing. As our brains take in that vast array of childhood experiences, automatic stress-responses get set up. It’s a good thing for survival. Bear attack does not warrant time to reflect poetically. To survive, your body needs to respond like lightening. So, over time patterns get impressed into our brains. Signals from our senses are attached to appropriate levels of stress response. Brain senses unfamiliar dog growl, or the rattle of a viper’s tail? Danger alert! Deploy adrenaline, action stations! This is great in many situations, but we have also developed our highway-laced, fossil-fueled, cheap-abundant booze-filled, internet-connected world faster than evolution can keep up. In this new environment these same systems can become what we call “maladaptive”.

    Here’s an example: for me (more…)

  • Ben Raemers: Some thoughts on depression and its worst-case conclusion

    Ben Raemers was the sweetest, funnest kid I ever toured with. I only traveled with Ben a couple of times, first through Europe and then through the Pacific North West. Now, in light of his recent death, I realize that there was a subtle anxiety in him that only in hindsight I see was the surface ripple of something profoundly painful. Having experienced episodes of darkness in my own life, I can’t help but interpret that as an indication that somewhere deep inside him was a dark, agonizing, Mariana Trench, from which he was desperately trying to escape. That constant struggle is exhausting but I remain convinced that there are concrete methods out there with which we can defuse these mental short-circuits — these false narratives that get stuck on loop in our heads. And, I have to say, I feel lucky that although I have suffered through periods of depression at times in my life, I have each time been able to find that invisible side-door through which to escape back onto a more optimistic path through this labyrinth we call life; and I have not been stuck in the awful, crippling loop of long-term or truly chronic depression.

    The spark to start writing this post came when I picked up my old notebook from the weeks that directly followed my (more…)